The secret curse of
Hollywood 'stars'
by David Kupelian
As a little boy I was transfixed,
along with the rest of America, by the annual television rebroadcast of
"The Wizard of Oz," starring 16-year-old singer-actress Judy Garland
in the role of Dorothy. Her soulful acting, her classic rendition of
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow," the story's dramatic final scene
("I'm not going to leave here ever again, because I love you all! And
Oh, Auntie Em there's no place like home!") touched millions.
Garland was so
talented, so beautiful. So perfect.
So it came as a
shock when my parents told me this gifted young lady was miserable and had died
of a sleeping pill overdose. Indeed, when she left this earth at the
much-too-early age of 47, Judy Garland had struggled for two decades with
drug-and-alcohol addiction, had been married five times, was plagued with
self-doubt and had made several suicide attempts.
Of course, there
have been many such tragic deaths over the years from Marilyn Monroe to Elvis
Presley. In her day, Monroe was idolized as America's reigning "sex
goddess." Yet inwardly she grew increasingly conflicted and depressed,
finally dying at 36, also from a sleeping pill overdose. The recent death of
Monroe wannabee Anna Nicole Smith was eerily reminiscent of her idol's tragic
demise.
Elvis Presley was
undoubtedly the most worshipped man on earth. He had wealth beyond imagining
and was literally idolized by millions worldwide. Yet at age 42, full of inner
conflict evident in his drug addiction, weight gain and increasing isolation
his legendary drug use finally caught up with him. In fact, during the last
year of Presley's life, 1977, one physician alone reportedly prescribed 10,000
hits of amphetamines, barbiturates, narcotics, tranquilizers, sleeping pills,
laxatives and hormones for "the king."
For every
self-destructive superstar who dies such a sad, early death, there are hundreds
of Hollywood celebrities who live profoundly dysfunctional, conflict-ridden
lives. Drug and alcohol abuse are commonplace and divorce almost the norm. Yet
these people seem to possess everything most of us secretly covet talent,
fame, good looks, wealth, adoration.
So what goes
wrong? What secret curse afflicts them?
I don't wish to
oversimplify. Each case has certain unique contributing factors, such as, in
Garland's case, the fact that as a child star she was routinely given
amphetamines to get her going and barbiturates to help her to sleep. This
obviously played an important role in the addiction and tragedy that were to
come later in life.
Yet, there is one
powerful dynamic rarely discussed that is common to virtually all
dysfunctional Hollywood celebrities, and which does indeed become a curse to
them.
Andrew Breitbart
and Mark Ebner, in their scathing exposι "Hollywood, Interrupted,"
take a stab at answering the question of why superstars are so often full of
conflict and their family life so disastrous:
"The short
answer," claim the authors, "is ego. Insatiable ego. Constantly
massaged ego. 24-hour-a-day concierge ego. 400-thread-count linen at the
five-star luxury dog kennel ego. Trading in your pre-fame spouse for a
world-class model ego."
What does it take
to be a superstar? According to Breitbart and Ebner:
Every celebrity, by design and necessity, is a narcissist. The desire to become
a star requires an incredible appetite for attention and approval. To achieve
fame and its accoutrements takes laser-like focus and a nearly commendable
ability to stay self-centered in the service of the dream. Maintaining
celebrity is a 24-hour-a-day process requiring a full-time staff to solidify
the star's place at the top of the social pecking order. An impenetrable ring
of "yes" creatures including assistants, publicists, managers,
agents, hair and make-up artists, stylists, lifestyle consultants, cooks,
drivers, nannies, schedulers and other assorted caretakers work
round-the-clock to feed the star's absurd sense of entitlement. Celebrities
focus on the minutiae of self all the time and they make sure that no
distractions like airplane reservation snafus or colicky babies interrupt this
singular focus. This often extremely lucrative self-obsession invariably
becomes downright pathological.
Massive
ego and narcissism may be the primary ingredients for achieving and maintaining
Hollywood success, but they are also the No. 1 cause of the grandiose foibles
in their storied, disastrous personal lives. The full-time job of parenting
requires absolute selflessness. In contrast, the full-time job of celebrity
requires absolute selfishness. The two by definition do not naturally co-exist.
Yet, because of their fame, money and social power, stars somehow think they
can defy the odds and maintain a high level of professional success, and still
raise healthy families in the process.
No
wonder so much rotten fruit is hanging from the dysfunctional celebrity family
tree.
All true, but we need
to go a whole lot deeper. The closest the authors come to identifying the
"curse" is with this observation: "The desire to become a star
requires an incredible appetite for attention and approval."
The problem is, living
off approval and applause, and deriving your sense of self-worth from the
praise of others, may feel great, but it also produces great problems. When it
comes to being worshipped, human beings just don't make very good gods,
something the Good Book warns about repeatedly. Worship is meant for God alone.
But when humans are idolized and worshipped and when they lower themselves to
accept that homage and bask in its glory major conflict mysteriously appears
within the idolized "star."
Let's take a close and
unflinchingly honest look at this subject. When we're done, we'll not only see
why so many Hollywood celebs are basket cases, we'll also understand something
very important about ourselves that might well have escaped our attention until
now.
Those
2 impostors
The longer I live, the
more I realize that the most crucial, life-giving truths those truths that
would be the most valuable and wholesome in helping people find true happiness
within themselves and harmony in their relationships are virtually never
talked about.
And I do mean never.
Not talked about in the popular culture, nor academia, nor in journalism (my
field), nor in psychiatry or psychology. Even our modern churches rarely touch
it.
So, let's talk a bit
about it here.
What could possibly be
wrong with the good feelings we get, the ego warmth, the inner glow to our
pride that we derive from basking in the approval and adulation of others? And
how could celebrities overdose and self-destruct on large quantities of this
"drug" of false love/praise?
Before we launch
full-bore into answering this question, let's set the stage by recalling the
line from Rudyard Kipling's stirring poem, "If," where he says:
If
you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same
"Impostors"?
How can triumph and disaster both be impostors? Hold that thought, while we
skip down to the last stanza:
If
you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you
Wait a minute. We all
know to watch out for "foes," but how can "loving friends"
possibly hurt us?
To understand this
mystery, we have to do something very foreign to modern man. We need to venture
beyond our own feelings. As I explain in "The Marketing of Evil," our
feelings are exactly what all the "evil marketers" appeal to when
making bad things appear to be good, and selling us "corruption disguised
as freedom."
After all, if you
think what feels good is good,
and what feels bad is bad, you
have a problem, because lies often make you feel good and so does heroin, and
so does sex with a stranger. You also have a problem with truth because truth
often hurts.
The common-sense
understanding that we shouldn't just blindly follow our feelings over a cliff
becomes even more essential when we remember that, unlike animals, human beings
have two natures: We have a noble nature and an ignoble nature. The noble
nature is patient, kind, honest, courageous, unselfish, thoughtful and
temperate. The ignoble nature is angry, resentful, selfish, lustful, greedy,
cowardly, envious and vengeful. And of course, following the feelings of this
dark side is what gets us into trouble.
All of us are saddled
with both natures to different degrees, with different variations. And both
of these natures within us are being appealed to, day in and day out, by people
tempting us toward the dark side of the force, or inspiring us to follow our
higher, unselfish instincts. We're also appealed to within our own minds, from
just beyond the edge of our three-dimensional existence from heaven and hell.
After all, good and evil are everywhere in this life, and each of these has a
spiritual source that beckons to us, without words, to follow its leadings.
Now here's the key
question: As we journey through this wonderful adventure of life, as we grow up
and interact with people, learn, work, play, marry, have children and affect
those around us for better or for worse what precisely is it that enables us
to grow so this noble side of us enlarges and dominates our lives, and the
ignoble part grows smaller until it withers away and dies?
The greatest being who
ever walked this earth, Jesus Christ, answered this question in His very first
recorded word of ministry: "Repent." (Matthew 4:17)
"Repent?"
Good grief, isn't that one of those archaic Bible words that means we have to
wail and gnash our teeth and clothe ourselves in sackcloth and ashes?
No. To repent just
means you simply look honestly in the mirror and see your own flaws and
weaknesses and don't make excuses for them, don't deny them, blame someone else
for them or justify them. You also don't condemn yourself for them. But rather,
you just plain old acknowledge your faults honestly and allow yourself to
experience the natural sadness and contrition that accompany your awareness of
them, and quietly cry out to God to help you to change. And change comes.
But you cannot
change for the better (and I don't mean superficial change, but rather,
transformation at your very core) if you don't repent. And you cannot repent if
you can't see wrong in yourself. And you can't see what's wrong with you if you
are high on the anesthetizing "drug" of false love.
Perhaps you're more
familiar with that other feel-good "drug," which has the same effect
of making you invulnerable to seeing your own faults. It's called hate.
For example, the main
reason Islamic culture is so notoriously non-introspective, blaming everyone
and everything else for its own gargantuan problems, is because so many Muslims
(though obviously not all) have been pumped up with hate. Hatred for Jews in
particular and all "infidels" (non-Muslims) in general, as well as
hatred and blame toward women, or toward the other varieties of Muslims, and so
on, renders them literally unable to see themselves and their faults. Their hatred
acts like a narcotic drug that takes away their conscience-pain and recognition
of their faults that would otherwise naturally impress itself on their minds.
They are filled instead with the ecstasy of false righteousness based on
infidel-hatred.
OK, we all know that,
don't we? Hate can make you "high," and blaming and resenting others
"blows your mind clean" of any awareness of your own problems.
But do we also
recognize that getting high on the "drug" of false love, adoration
and unconditional approval everybody telling us how wonderful we are all the
time, and our believing it also can render us virtually unable to see our own
flaws?
Since we're exploring
these emotional "highs" of hate and false love by comparing them with
drugs, let's remember for a moment why people want to get high on drugs in the
first place. Whether illegal substances like heroin, or legal pain-killers and
sleeping pills, or alcohol for that matter, the reason we take these sorts of
drugs is the same: to relieve pain and conflict. And the approval of other
people if we drink it in, nourish ourselves on it and build our sense of
value from it acts on us exactly like a drug, anesthetizing us from feeling
the pain of our problems. And we become addicted to it.
In fact, it's a wicked
cycle: Being less aware of our problems because of our reduced consciousness
from being high on this "drug" of approval, all of our problems
naturally tend to become worse, increasing the need for the "drug" of
approval or hate, if that's your "drug" of choice. This syndrome
can descend into madness, or suicide. It's the reason hate often boils over
into violence (when it doesn't eat us up and destroy us inwardly instead),
because it has nowhere else to go, being ever-growing. The despair celebrities
feel when they're surrounded with what seems like goodness and praise but
which is actually hurting them creates a terrible emptiness that leads them
to search for answers in Scientology, Buddhism, New Age religion and so on.
Remember, getting high
on either of these emotional "drugs" (of false love or hate), we
become deluded, egotistical and prideful, and very, very blind to our faults
making us blind therefore to pretty much everything else.
Fortunately, the
opposite is also true. What I've discovered in this life is that if you are
sincere enough to face yourself and patiently bear the pain of seeing your own
imperfections on a moment-to-moment basis, you'll pretty much understand
everybody else at least as much as you need to understand.
It's as though God
just wants us to look at ourselves honestly and to repent of our sins and seek
Him and His righteous way and as a fringe benefit, He is happy to "throw
in" an authentic understanding of everything else in life. No extra charge.
It's the icing on the cake the cake being our own, sincere self-examination.
Well guess what? We
cannot have that twin blessing of understanding ourselves and others if we're
coked-up on the praise of others. Again, it's not the praise and worship itself
that hurts us, but the way we deal with it. If people praise you for something
you've done, but you don't stoop down to "suck up" the praise and
build your self-image with it, then you won't be hurt by it.
I'll tell you how I
know this so well. As a young person growing up during the '50s and '60s, I was
known primarily as a talented classical violinist. As a teen I was always
concertmaster (first chair) in the orchestras I played with, won all the
contests, was featured as the solo "artist" performing concertos with
various orchestras and so on. Everyone thought I was wonderful for what I did,
and my sense of self-worth came to be based on what other people said about me.
Some may respond: So what? You excelled at something, people
naturally praised you for it, and you soaked it up. What's the problem?
Here's the problem.
Inwardly, I became increasingly accustomed to the approval and applause of
others. Actually, the music world swept me up in two ways: One was the
"love" and adulation of others, which filled up my emptiness. And the
other was the fact that music became a whole world of fascinating, beautiful
and complex distraction into which I could escape, unaware of my problems,
angers, insecurities and so on. Between these two factors the intense
approval of others for being a little "star," and having my head
filled non-stop with the music itself I was pretty blind to myself as a teen.
It wasn't until I
reached my early 20s and had finished 17 years of schooling that I came up for
air. And when I did when I finally put the music aside and slowed down the
pace of my life I discovered the real me who had been lost in all the
excitement and super-ambition of my earlier years. I found that, whereas I once
craved the applause of others, now I thrived on an inner spiritual fulfillment
that came naturally as a result of simple clean living, honest self-examination
and quiet prayers and reflection. One result of this change was that I
discovered all the problems within me that I had been blind to during all the
years I was "high" on the approval of others. And that was the
beginning of my "reborn" life as a Christian. I quietly found God,
right where He'd always been as close as a sincere, repentant heart.
'I'm
soooooo proud of you'
Let's personalize this
tricky subject to make it as clear as possible. Have you ever been praised so
excessively that you felt uncomfortable? Think about it for a minute.
You didn't know how to respond, how to act; you felt awkward. You might even have replied by saying something stupid, feeling so completely off balance. In the same way that a cruel, thoughtless comment can affect you emotionally, so can too much praise affect you emotionally and adversely.
But this is a very
confusing experience, because after all, you're not being criticized or
condemned, but are being praised and that's supposed to be a good thing! So
why are you so uncomfortable?
Let me ask any
celebrities reading this: Why are you so uncomfortable with the praise that
surrounds you? Why do you even tend to resent or have a subtle contempt for the
fan going overboard in his or her praise of you?
I think this personal story will shed some light: Recently I took my family out for the evening and I noticed that my teenage son was reluctant to walk ahead and open the building's door for his mother and sister. But isn't that just good manners? He normally does lots of chores and is a conscientious, smart and thoroughly decent boy. So why the problem with opening up a door for the opposite sex? It didn't make sense.
A bit of discussion unearthed a previously unknown (to me) morsel of
family history: It seems several years ago, he had quite naturally opened the
door for a couple of women, but one of them praised him so lavishly for his wonderful,
gentlemanly manners that he became awkward and embarrassed. He actually
resented the person who overdid the praise, and in an unconscious effort to
avoid a repeat occurrence of the discomfort he felt, he steered clear of
opening doors for women thereafter.
Silly? Don't laugh. This
type of response is much more common than we might imagine. There's a violation
of our spirit when someone serves up inordinate praise. No wonder celebrities
get so messed up.
Kupelian,
you're drivin' me nuts. Are you now saying we should never compliment people?
Of course not. There's a
huge difference between saying, "Good job, son, that was great!" and
saying, "Son, oh my wonderful son, you are so awesome. I'm soooooooooooooo
proud of you. You are just so, so, so great and talented and special." That kind of praise is
corrupting unless of course we're mature enough to handle it and just let it
roll by without building our pride. Because whenever we build our pride, we're
growing in conflict with God.
In case your reaction to all this is still a big "So what?," here's something else to reflect on: If you are sensitive to people praising you that is, if you "accept" and "drink in" the praise not only will you become more and more addicted to it, but you will also become sensitive to people criticizing you. The more approval-oriented we are, the more we will feel hurt by criticism and to the same degree. You can't have one without the other.
So if you're going to allow yourself to feel buoyed up by the applause
of others, understand that you will also feel wounded by the cruel comments and
put-downs others make. I think it's pretty clear that allowing our pride to get
bloated by approval can make us blind to our problems. But how could that lead
celebrities or us to the kind of conflict, dysfunction, anger, rage and
depression that might lead to drug addiction or even suicide?
Well, how do you think Elvis Presley really felt toward all his hysterical, adoring, worshipful fans?
On the surface, of
course, he seemed to love them ("Thank
you, thank you very much. You're a fantastic audience, thank you, ya'll are
fantastic"). But just think back to a moment in your life when
someone way overdid it when
praising how wonderful, generous, beautiful, smart or talented you were, and
recall the feelings of embarrassment and awkwardness and confusion you felt
and then multiply that by, oh, about 10 million and lay it on poor Elvis. If we
take that "drug" of worship into us, it just enlarges our problems.
Remember, what keeps
us sane, happy and moving in the right direction in this life is living in the
light of constant, good-natured self-awareness. And that self-awareness with
our conscience brightly shining through it becomes the regulator of our life,
and makes our perceptions and decisions right and wholesome. It's like magic
God's magic providing manna from the invisible realm, which appears in our
lives to nourish us just when we need it, as long as we are transparent and
honest.
When we worship a celebrity as a god, like millions did with Elvis, we're robbing them of this precious relationship with the real God. Although a part of them loves (is addicted to) the "drug" of praise, another more innocent part of them longs to be treated normally, honestly, soberly. After all, you have to admit, it's just crazy what we do: We take these people who sing songs, or tell jokes, or who make their living by acting like heroes, pretending to be something they're not, and repeating lines others have written for them and then we worship them. We call them "stars." Is that nuts or what?
But we can learn
something from what happens to those humans we worship. It's not a coincidence
that Hollywood celebrities so often become dysfunctional, ultraliberal weirdos.
Our worship of them is hurtful to us, but especially to them.
Haven't you ever wondered why so many of the royal families of Britain and Europe throughout the centuries were full of intrigue and murder? Royal brothers and sisters always seemed to be plotting or poisoning or stabbing or betraying each other. But they had wealth behind imagining, power, prestige why weren't they happy? As I said, humans don't make very good gods. Worship destroys us. No wonder celebrities live cloistered lives, sympathizing with each other for what they commonly endure fans.
As with all problems,
there is always a way out. Celebrities don't all become basket cases as a
result of fame, fortune and the adoration of the masses. In fact, there are
many famous entertainers, actors, sports heroes and music superstars who have
stayed perfectly sane. Although their fans may have inadvertently served up the
drug, these "stars" accepted it gracefully, but apparently didn't
swallow it.
A while back, I had a
conversation with Sean Hannity certainly a media "superstar"
outside the Fox News building in Manhattan after I had been a guest on
"Hannity & Colmes" for the launch of "The Marketing of
Evil." When I brought up his career and phenomenal success, Sean had this
to say (closely paraphrased): God has
blessed me. It's been great, and I appreciate the position He's put me in. But
I don't take credit for it, and I know it could come to an end at any time.
He had exactly the
right attitude. Humble, grateful, both feet firmly on the ground, and
recognizing that "Triumph" and "Disaster" are both
impostors. It's what Kipling was pointing to when he wrote:
If
you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And which is more you'll be a Man, my son!
( Its
ironical I came across this article today. Yesterday on local radio, I was
listening to an announcer recall an encounter he had with a very high profile international
singer/musician who visited our city a few years ago. This celebrity decided
to hold a baseball game between concerts at an inner city sporting field. He
invited many local high profile people, this radio announcer amongst them, to
participate for a bit of fun and publicity. All was going fine till the local
radio announcer caught the ball off a big hit from the celebrity, and thus put
the singer out of the game. Apparently the superstar consequently threw a
tantrum in front of all the local celebrities, his own entourage and the huge
crowd that had gathered to adore him.
Needless to say he lost a few fans that day and descended in their eyes
from star to brat. Reportedly he hasnt changed much, and unsurprisingly,
his career seems to have nose-dived in recent years. Its true, we humans are
just not designed to cope with praise and worship. Thats why we need a God to
praise. We
have one. His name is Jesus. Well, some of us do anyway
Keygar )
