RAPTURE NOTES
HOW TO FORGIVE
1. Acknowledge
the pain. Sometimes it's hard to
admit you've been hurt because doing so intensifies the feelings. But you won't
be able to work through the pain until you admit you're hurting. Tears are a
pretty good indicator that something's wrong. So are feelings of resentment.
2. Think
through the pain. Be honest about how you
feel, even if you think you shouldn't feel that way. Admit that you don't like
what happened or how you were treated and that it makes you sad or angry. Try
writing these feelings in a journal or sharing them with a trusted Christian
friend.
3. Put
yourself in the shoes of your offender. Think about a time when you have wronged another person, maybe
your parents, a sibling or a friend. You needed their forgiveness. Did that
person extend forgiveness to you, or withhold it? How did it make you feel?
When it comes to forgiving others, remember these words from Jesus: "So in
everything, do to others what you would have them do to you … " (Matthew
7:12).
4. Remember
that God forgave you. If you're a Christian, you've admitted your need for God's
forgiveness. Remembering how he forgave you, when you didn't deserve it, can
help you forgive others. You may not be ready at this point to voice your
forgiveness to your offender. In fact, communication with that person may be
impossible if, for example, the person is no longer living. That's OK. You can
forgive someone without having your offender accept your forgiveness.
5. Remember
that God commands us to forgive. When Jesus taught about prayer, he stressed the importance of
forgiving others (Luke 11:14). And in Mark 11:25,
he says, "If you hold anything against anyone, forgive him … "
6. Let go of
the pain. Once you've gone through
the stages above, refuse to hold onto your hurt. Don't replay the offense over
and over. Allowing yourself to get sad or angry again and again will only cause
you more pain. Determine that you are going to choose to forgive your offender.
Your emotions might not agree with this decision. This is where prayer comes
in. Tell God you want to forgive, and ask him to change your heart toward the
person who wronged you. You may want to consider voicing forgiveness to your
offender either vocally or through a letter. But again, if this isn't possible,
it doesn't mean you haven't expressed forgiveness.
7. Continue to
forgive. If the wound was deep,
you'll probably have to forgive more than once. When memories of the wrong come
to mind and you find yourself getting worked up over it, immediately go to God
in prayer.
8. Pray for the one who hurt you. It may be impossible to
restore a relationship with your offender. For example, you don't know where
the person lives or contacting this person could be a safety risk. But you can
pray for the one who hurt you. Ask God to reveal his love to your offender.
Doing so will help you to release any remaining resentment.
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